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Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships

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Secure boundaries are essential to protect properties and maintain the national security of a country. This is also true in maintaining healthy and good relationships both within and outside families. Homes have closed doors and very often have fences surrounding the residence. We keep our front doors locked and anyone who comes to the house must have permission to enter. Similarly, healthy relationships have clear boundaries to protect the bond.

 Married and/or committed couples have an invisible boundary around them that no one should penetrate. A healthy family has parents at the center of the household that are good role models who enforce household rules and set clear boundaries with their children. (This is often an issue in immigrant homes when parents are not fluent in the language and the child is the interpreter.) How do we set healthy boundaries with friends and acquaintances?

This exercise will help you determine the sort of boundary, and the necessary restrictions needed to implement these boundaries. Take objects to represent the people in your life. Take string and create a boundary between you and the rest of the world. Place each object where you want them in relation to yourself. You must decide where to place each person inside or outside your boundary and how far you allow him/her inside your boundary. A spouse would ideally be standing alongside the other spouse and children are ideally in front of them. However, there are marriages that are more beneficial when the parents are not together, or the children are less likely to be living elsewhere. These considerations will help you determine what sort of boundary you would like to create.

After completing this exercise, you may want to consider the messages you would like to convey to the outside world and what confidential information you prefer to conceal. Take a piece of paper and write on one side the messages you would like to convey to the world and on the other side the messages you prefer to keep private.

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